Baby Monitors
Let's face it: no matter how dedicated a parent you are, you can't be everywhere. And when we say "everywhere" we mean you can't be in your baby's room, in your house, only feet away from your own bedroom. And when we say "can't" we mean "don't want to."
Luckily for you there's such a thing as a baby monitor.
What Is a Baby Monitor?
A baby monitor is actually a set of two radio transmitters. One is placed in the baby's room, where it is able to listen in on your baby's activities, while the other goes with you to the bar.
No! Not to the bar! That's not responsible. Besides, everybody at the bar would make fun of you for having this baby monitor stuck on your belt. And what if instead of bringing the receiver, you accidentally brought the transmitter to the bar? Now your baby can hear you, drunk, getting into an argument with some guy about who was the best member of A-Team. Which is stupid, because we all know it's Face.
No, you won't be using your baby monitor to go drinking at some bar. Instead, you'll be using it within your own home, to listen in on your sleeping child while you perform other activities. Such as drinking alone in the kitchen.
Types of Monitors
Audio monitors are the most basic type of baby monitor. Actually, a more basic type of baby monitor is the now-rare telegraph monitor. However, this requires the baby to learn Morse code, something many children don't master until they're at least three. The telegraph monitor replaced the even more basic carrier pigeon and smoke signal styles of baby monitor. Audio monitors come with a number of options. Sound and light monitors feature a series of blinking lights. When your baby starts to cry,the blinking lights blink. The idea here is if you're working in a noisy environment, or if you're sitting around listening to recordings of babies crying, and your real baby starts to cry, you'll see the blinking and act appropriately.
The downside is if your baby starts really wailing those lights will start blinking so much that you might have a seizure. This is why you should purchase a second baby monitor to monitor yourself and give the receiver to your parents, who will then be able to come over and slip a wallet between your teeth so you don't swallow your tongue. Then, assuming you survive, and since your folks are there anyway, you can con them into doing some babysitting while you go to the bar. Plus you kept the wallet. Perfect!
Another kind is the intercom monitor which also functions as an intercom. For example, while up in your baby's room you might send a message to your spouse: "Why am I up here in the baby's room while you get to sit down there eating multiple canisters of Pringles?" Your spouse then has the option of pushing a button on the receiver saying he's coming right up to help. Or, more likely, he could not push that button.
Or, if he's smart, he'll do that old trick from World War Two movies, where you make static noises with your mouth and send back a message like: "command, your transmission is garbled, can't receive your new orders, will continue to eat Pringles canisters until supplies run out. Over."
Note that baby monitors may have multiple features, such as a monitor that has both an intercom and blinking lights. This can be useful because if your spouse uses it to talk to you, you don't have to listen - you can just wait for the lights to stop blinking before grunting noncommittally. This can save your relationship.
Video monitors are a step up from audio-only monitors. The incorporate a video camera that allows you not only to hear but also see your sleeping infant. You can spend hours watching a blurry black-and-white picture of your little baby, lying there in bed, sleeping, not doing anything. Surprisingly, this will often be better than what's on TV.
But, if not, point the remote control at it so you can flip around and see what other people's kids are doing. Now that's TV! Too bad you spouse ate all the Pringles.
Some video baby monitors utilize infrared technology so you can see your baby on the screen even if the nursery is completely dark. Bet the one that comes with a pair of scissors so that you can cut out a picture of your baby and tape it to the screen. Now you can see your baby on the screen even if the nursery is completely dark and your baby isn't in the nursery because she's sitting right there with you. Some monitors may even allow you to smell your baby from a hundred feet away. Who knows? Science marches on!
What product is right for you? How much surveillance is too much? If, when your toddler is playing with his little friends, he points at the monitor and mouths the words, "It's not safe here" and then turns on some loud music before talking in hushed whispers in the corner, you may have overdone it. On the other hand, what are those kids up to? Two-year-olds can be pretty shifty. See if you can cut a deal with one of the smaller kids to turn rat.
Are Baby Monitors Safe?
Some parents have concerns that baby monitors and other wireless electronic equipment may pose a health risk, similar to the potential health risk, similar to the potential health risks posed by cellphones. Although there is no scientific evidence for such a concern, experts do agree that, like cellphones, baby monitors should never be used while your infant is driving.
If you are worried about using an electronic baby monitor, there are some low-tech alternatives.
Cut a Hole in the Wall
This allows you to see, hear, smell, touch, poke with a stick, and otherwise interact with your infant. Note that you may have to cut through several walls, depending where you are in your house. Also note that the sound of the chainsaw may interfere with your child's sleeping.
Hire a Guy
With the fall of the Soviet Union, there are many former KGB surveillance experts who are now working feelance on the open market. Hiring one to tail your infant will give you peace of mind, and - taking into account the exchange rate - may actually be cheaper than a baby monitor. Drawback: as your child gets older and becomes more independent he may try to "shake" his tail, prompting exciting stroller chases and gunfights.
Also, what if your toddler "turns" your agent, bribes him, or cajoles him into spying on you? Will you use the traitor to feed your child false information? Or will he have an unfortunate "accident"? Experts agree the answer depends on your parenting style.
When Should I Stop Using the Baby Monitor?
Many parents become so accustomed to the baby monitor that they don't know when to stop using it. When does a child become old enough to no longer require this kind of supervision? Experts say a good rule of thumb is this: If you turn on the baby monitor, and you hear the sound of your kid talking to her kids, it's time to quit.
Conclusion
A baby monitor can keep your child safe, provide you with some independence and - perhaps most importantly - prepare your child for the nightmarish world of the future where privacy is a thing of the past and Big Brother is always watching.
Why not take our quick quiz to review the information from this section?
Baby Monitor Quick Quiz
1)Who was the best member of the A-Team?
a)Hannibal
b)Face
c)B.A Barracus
d) Mad Murdock
Answer: B.
Luckily for you there's such a thing as a baby monitor.
What Is a Baby Monitor?
A baby monitor is actually a set of two radio transmitters. One is placed in the baby's room, where it is able to listen in on your baby's activities, while the other goes with you to the bar.
No! Not to the bar! That's not responsible. Besides, everybody at the bar would make fun of you for having this baby monitor stuck on your belt. And what if instead of bringing the receiver, you accidentally brought the transmitter to the bar? Now your baby can hear you, drunk, getting into an argument with some guy about who was the best member of A-Team. Which is stupid, because we all know it's Face.
No, you won't be using your baby monitor to go drinking at some bar. Instead, you'll be using it within your own home, to listen in on your sleeping child while you perform other activities. Such as drinking alone in the kitchen.
Types of Monitors
Audio monitors are the most basic type of baby monitor. Actually, a more basic type of baby monitor is the now-rare telegraph monitor. However, this requires the baby to learn Morse code, something many children don't master until they're at least three. The telegraph monitor replaced the even more basic carrier pigeon and smoke signal styles of baby monitor. Audio monitors come with a number of options. Sound and light monitors feature a series of blinking lights. When your baby starts to cry,the blinking lights blink. The idea here is if you're working in a noisy environment, or if you're sitting around listening to recordings of babies crying, and your real baby starts to cry, you'll see the blinking and act appropriately.
The downside is if your baby starts really wailing those lights will start blinking so much that you might have a seizure. This is why you should purchase a second baby monitor to monitor yourself and give the receiver to your parents, who will then be able to come over and slip a wallet between your teeth so you don't swallow your tongue. Then, assuming you survive, and since your folks are there anyway, you can con them into doing some babysitting while you go to the bar. Plus you kept the wallet. Perfect!
Another kind is the intercom monitor which also functions as an intercom. For example, while up in your baby's room you might send a message to your spouse: "Why am I up here in the baby's room while you get to sit down there eating multiple canisters of Pringles?" Your spouse then has the option of pushing a button on the receiver saying he's coming right up to help. Or, more likely, he could not push that button.
Or, if he's smart, he'll do that old trick from World War Two movies, where you make static noises with your mouth and send back a message like: "command, your transmission is garbled, can't receive your new orders, will continue to eat Pringles canisters until supplies run out. Over."
Note that baby monitors may have multiple features, such as a monitor that has both an intercom and blinking lights. This can be useful because if your spouse uses it to talk to you, you don't have to listen - you can just wait for the lights to stop blinking before grunting noncommittally. This can save your relationship.
Video monitors are a step up from audio-only monitors. The incorporate a video camera that allows you not only to hear but also see your sleeping infant. You can spend hours watching a blurry black-and-white picture of your little baby, lying there in bed, sleeping, not doing anything. Surprisingly, this will often be better than what's on TV.
But, if not, point the remote control at it so you can flip around and see what other people's kids are doing. Now that's TV! Too bad you spouse ate all the Pringles.
Some video baby monitors utilize infrared technology so you can see your baby on the screen even if the nursery is completely dark. Bet the one that comes with a pair of scissors so that you can cut out a picture of your baby and tape it to the screen. Now you can see your baby on the screen even if the nursery is completely dark and your baby isn't in the nursery because she's sitting right there with you. Some monitors may even allow you to smell your baby from a hundred feet away. Who knows? Science marches on!
What product is right for you? How much surveillance is too much? If, when your toddler is playing with his little friends, he points at the monitor and mouths the words, "It's not safe here" and then turns on some loud music before talking in hushed whispers in the corner, you may have overdone it. On the other hand, what are those kids up to? Two-year-olds can be pretty shifty. See if you can cut a deal with one of the smaller kids to turn rat.
Are Baby Monitors Safe?
Some parents have concerns that baby monitors and other wireless electronic equipment may pose a health risk, similar to the potential health risk, similar to the potential health risks posed by cellphones. Although there is no scientific evidence for such a concern, experts do agree that, like cellphones, baby monitors should never be used while your infant is driving.
If you are worried about using an electronic baby monitor, there are some low-tech alternatives.
Cut a Hole in the Wall
This allows you to see, hear, smell, touch, poke with a stick, and otherwise interact with your infant. Note that you may have to cut through several walls, depending where you are in your house. Also note that the sound of the chainsaw may interfere with your child's sleeping.
Hire a Guy
With the fall of the Soviet Union, there are many former KGB surveillance experts who are now working feelance on the open market. Hiring one to tail your infant will give you peace of mind, and - taking into account the exchange rate - may actually be cheaper than a baby monitor. Drawback: as your child gets older and becomes more independent he may try to "shake" his tail, prompting exciting stroller chases and gunfights.
Also, what if your toddler "turns" your agent, bribes him, or cajoles him into spying on you? Will you use the traitor to feed your child false information? Or will he have an unfortunate "accident"? Experts agree the answer depends on your parenting style.
When Should I Stop Using the Baby Monitor?
Many parents become so accustomed to the baby monitor that they don't know when to stop using it. When does a child become old enough to no longer require this kind of supervision? Experts say a good rule of thumb is this: If you turn on the baby monitor, and you hear the sound of your kid talking to her kids, it's time to quit.
Conclusion
A baby monitor can keep your child safe, provide you with some independence and - perhaps most importantly - prepare your child for the nightmarish world of the future where privacy is a thing of the past and Big Brother is always watching.
Why not take our quick quiz to review the information from this section?
Baby Monitor Quick Quiz
1)Who was the best member of the A-Team?
a)Hannibal
b)Face
c)B.A Barracus
d) Mad Murdock
Answer: B.
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